Ambivalence by Brian Dillon review – an odd man out

The Lead

Brian Dillon's autobiography 'Ambivalence' is a thought-provoking exploration of his early life, education, and intellectual pursuits in Dublin. The book is a reflection on his experiences, interests, and struggles, narrated in the third person.

The Event Details

Dillon's story begins with the loss of his parents at a young age. His mother passed away when he was 16, and his father at 21. He writes about them in passing, without overtly displaying grief. The book instead focuses on his awkward education in Dublin, where he struggled to carve out an identity for himself and accommodate his passion for avant-garde music and literature within academe.

The Data Analysis

Dillon's intellectual pursuits are a significant aspect of the book. He grew up surrounded by books acquired by his father and developed a passion for reading. He avidly read and added to his collection, with a particular interest in music magazines and David Bowie. His father's sudden death left him with £8,000, which he used to pursue his academic interests.

The Impact Analysis

The book provides insight into Dillon's intellectual growth and development. He was heavily influenced by critical theory and thinkers like Virginia Woolf, Roland Barthes, and Walter Benjamin. His scholarly writing became a form of autobiography, allowing him to process his experiences and emotions. The book also touches on his struggles with relationships, tremors, and loneliness.

The Prediction

The book concludes with Dillon organizing a conference, getting work on RTÉ radio, and moving to Canterbury to continue his PhD. Despite this seeming success, he remains self-critical, ruefully reflecting on his unfinished thesis and its cost.