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Egil Johansen, the landlord of the Kenton pub in Hackney, east London, describes recent incidents involving children as "like the wild west." He has now banned children entirely after a three-year-old fell down a cellar hatch while parents sat elsewhere, a five-year-old crashed into staff carrying drinks, and six parents brought 10 hyperactive children after a birthday party while ignoring their behavior."In every case, the parents blame us when something goes wrong or get really angry when we ask them to control their children," says Johansen, who has run the pub for 17 years. "I'm legally obliged to keep children safe on my premises and if the parents let their children run riot, the only answer is to not allow them in at all."Johansen initially tried banning children only after 5pm, but this interim measure failed to address the underlying issues. Despite online criticism framing him as the "baddie," he expresses sadness about the situation: "I'm a publican; I'm a people-person. It gives me no joy to ban anyone, but it's just not safe: parents don't control their children and our other customers were beginning to go elsewhere. I had no choice."The Kenton's decision reflects a growing trend among UK pubs seeking to differentiate themselves from establishments that "resemble soft play centres without the ball pit." While some welcome this shift, others view it as unwelcoming to families, creating a culture war in the pub industry.Lee Jones, landlord of the Brewers Arms in West Malvern, Worcestershire, reversed a previous child ban: "We're dog-friendly, child-friendly, adult-friendly. We're just friendly – we don't distinguish. Pubs are for the community and I don't see bans in the spirit of what we're here for." Jones reports that when children become rowdy, staff can address the issue with parents, though this is rarely needed.Stephen Boyd, who runs the Alma in south London, took a different approach after attempting to attract young families. He found families with children consumed disproportionate time and resources with special requests for diluted drinks, heated beverages, and customized meals, while adult customers waited longer for their orders."You just need a couple screaming, banging on a table or running up and down, and it dictates the whole atmosphere of the pub," Boyd says. "Parents would take massive umbrage if staff asked them to stop their children doing something." After implementing a child ban, he describes the change as "a fucking revelation" with staff retention improving and takings doubling.Despite the positive results, Boyd faced significant backlash: "I got a lot of online hate. Mainly from people who had never been to the pub but felt I was doing something morally hateful."Tom Stainer, chief executive of the Campaign for Real Ale, acknowledges the debate is "very live" but emphasizes: "But you do have to look at the responsibility of the parents in these situations, not just at the pubs. They're the ones responsible for making sure that their children behave."Financial considerations also drive some decisions. Mandy Keefe, landlady of the Wheel Inn in Ashford, banned children partly for behavioral reasons but also financial ones: "If a third of my Sunday customers were children eating from a reduced-rate child's menu and not drinking any alcohol, that wouldn't be financially viable."Across the UK, pubs are making individual decisions based on their specific circumstances, but as Johansen's experience demonstrates, it only takes one serious incident to settle the question for good.

The film 'They Will Kill You' is a satirical take on the beat-em-up genre, offering a mix of gore, bad jokes, and deja vu. The story revolves around Asia, a new maid at the Virgil, a satanic co-op residence in New York, where she must navigate a world of satanic rituals and eternal life.The film's tone is pitched between a bloodbath and bath time, with a boyish strain of immaturity dominating the creative force. This is evident in the giddy, inventive approach to violence, where the narrative device of immortality unshackles the filmmaker from the laws of physics. The film's antic gore peaks with an extended interlude following a disembodied eyeball as it rolls down corridors and slingshots itself up an elevator shaft.The adolescent quality runs deeper than that, manifesting more overtly in the potty-mouthedness of the script and the ostentatious stylistic flourishes that are hand-me-downs from other filmmakers. The film's supporting cast is haphazardly assembled and half-assedly differentiated from one another, with Heather Graham and Tom Felton getting the most to do.Despite its sprightly fight choreography and retro synth arpeggios, the film's invoked inspirations and story components err on the side of the popular and well-trod. The received shtick grows worn before long, and the film's attempts at humor often fall flat. A good rule of (severed) thumb: if you're going to make a character quote Monty Python's immortal 'just a flesh wound' bit, you must yourself be capable of originally generating something at least as funny.

The App Store Connect Transformation Apple has announced a significant update to its App Store Connect service, introducing over 100 new metrics and tools designed to help developers better understand and optimize their apps' performance across Apple's platforms. This overhaul comes at a critical time as the tech industry debates the future of app stores in the age of artificial intelligence. Expanded Metrics and Data Insights The updated App Store Connect now provides developers with comprehensive metrics across key areas including monetization, subscription data, and in-app purchase performance. Unlike third-party services that offer estimated data, Apple's metrics are based directly on the company's own data, providing more accurate insights into app performance. Among the new features are subscription reports that can be exported via an API, enabling developers to analyze their apps' performance offline or integrate Apple's data into their own systems. Developers can now gain deeper understanding of their users by analyzing behavior around download dates, sources, offer start dates, and other key engagement metrics. Competitive Analysis and Benchmarking Apple has introduced peer group benchmarks that allow developers to compare their performance against competitors in critical areas like download-to-paid conversions and proceeds per download. This feature provides valuable context for developers to assess their market position and identify opportunities for improvement. Apple emphasizes that it uses aggregated cohort data and differential privacy techniques to protect both user privacy and individual developer performance data, ensuring that insights can be gained without compromising sensitive information. Enhanced Data Filtering and Analytics Guide Developers can now apply up to seven filters simultaneously when viewing metrics in App Store Connect, allowing for more granular analysis of their app data. This enhanced filtering capability enables deeper dives into specific aspects of app performance. To support developers in making data-driven decisions, Apple has published a new App Store Analytics Guide in the Help section of App Store Connect. This comprehensive resource aims to help developers better understand the App Store's tools and features and develop effective strategies for app success. Strategic Timing Amid AI Evolution The timing of this App Store Connect overhaul is particularly noteworthy, as the industry witnesses rapid advancements in AI capabilities. There's growing speculation that AI agents could eventually replace traditional app stores, with some industry leaders suggesting that smartphone apps may become obsolete as AI-powered web services become more prevalent. Apple appears to be strategically positioning itself to strengthen its lucrative App Store ecosystem rather than allowing it to be disrupted by emerging technologies. The company is reportedly planning to announce an AI-powered Siri at its upcoming developer conference in June, which will be capable of completing tasks within apps, potentially bridging the gap between traditional apps and AI-powered services.

The V&A; Museum's lavish spring show, Schiaparelli: Fashion Becomes Art, is a surrealist's dream come true. The exhibition takes visitors on a journey through the life and work of Elsa Schiaparelli, a fashion designer who defied conventions and pushed the boundaries of art and fashion.Schiaparelli's designs are a whimsical and witty blend of art, culture, and fashion. From a shoe that becomes a hat to a telephone dial that transforms into a compact mirror, each piece is a testament to her innovative spirit and creative genius.The exhibition features collaborations with famous artists like Salvador Dalí and Jean Cocteau, showcasing iconic pieces such as the lobster telephone and the skeleton dress. These works demonstrate Schiaparelli's ability to merge fashion and art, creating something truly unique and groundbreaking.Elsa Schiaparelli was a trailblazer in her own right, launching her fashion career in Paris in the 1930s and quickly gaining recognition for her trompe l'oeil sweaters and shocking pink designs. Her legacy continues to inspire designers today, including Daniel Roseberry, who has been spearheading the brand's revival since 2019.The exhibition also features modern pieces that showcase the brand's continued commitment to innovative design and artistic collaboration. From a golden breastplate worn by Bella Hadid at Cannes to a robot baby made from old flip phones and circuit board shards, these works demonstrate the brand's ongoing dialogue with art and culture.Schiaparelli: Fashion Becomes Art is a must-see exhibition for anyone interested in fashion, art, and culture. It challenges visitors to think differently about the relationship between fashion and art, and showcases the enduring legacy of Elsa Schiaparelli's surrealist designs.

Martin Dohrn, a veteran wildlife photographer, has created a joyous film that explores the fascinating world of bees in his urban Bristol garden. The documentary, 'My Garden of a Thousand Bees', features over 60 species of bees and showcases their unique characteristics and behaviors.Dohrn's enthusiasm for bees is palpable as he shares his experiences with the audience. He notes that bees live in a 'completely different dimension' and that his approach to filmmaking is 'time-stretching', resulting in breathtaking detail and a soundtrack that immerses the viewer in the world of bees.The film features a range of bee species, including the wool carder bee, the ashy mining bee, and the red-tailed mason bee. Each species is showcased in its natural habitat, highlighting their unique characteristics and behaviors. Dohrn's interactions with the bees are both fascinating and heartwarming, particularly his bond with a leafcutter bee named Nicky.The film's themes of companionship and appreciation for nature are woven throughout the narrative, making it a delightful and educational watch. Dohrn's passion for bees is infectious, and the film encourages viewers to appreciate the importance of these vital pollinators.The documentary also touches on the decline of bee populations worldwide, with Dohrn noting that 'all over the world, bees are declining'. However, the film's focus is on the beauty and wonder of bees, rather than the doom and gloom of their decline.The film's message is clear: let's appreciate and protect these incredible creatures. As Dohrn says, 'It's changed my view of bees. It's changed my view of the world.''My Garden of a Thousand Bees' is available to watch on BBC Four and iPlayer.

Mark Simmons, a rising star in the comedy world, has made a name for himself with his quick wit and clever one-liners. In a recent interview, Simmons opened up about his journey as a comedian, his inspirations, and his latest tour, Jest to Impress.Simmons' love affair with comedy began when he was starting out. He devoured DVDs and videos of standups, drawn to those who dared to be different. Stewart Lee, Rhod Gilbert, Lee Mack, and Noel Fielding were among his early inspirations. Simmons' own style is characterized by his ability to craft clever one-liners and gags, earning him the title of Dave's Joke of the Fringe winner in 2024.When it comes to writing new material, Simmons has a keen eye for wordplay. He recalls a conversation with a friend that sparked a joke, showcasing his ability to find humor in everyday life. Simmons' process involves collecting notes and ideas, which he then crafts into jokes.Simmons has had his fair share of memorable gigs, including a standout performance at Glastonbury festival and a recent show at Nottingham Playhouse, where he performed to a sold-out crowd of 700 people. His show, Jest to Impress, is a celebration of silliness and wordplay, offering audiences a chance to forget their worries and have a laugh.Simmons also hosts a podcast where he discusses jokes that haven't quite landed. He shares an example of a joke that works on paper but not in front of an audience, highlighting the challenges of comedy. While awards like Dave's Joke of the Fringe are fun, Simmons acknowledges that they can be reductive, but he's proud to be the undefeated champion.Jest to Impress is currently on tour in the UK and Ireland until November 28. Fans of Simmons can catch him live, enjoying his unique brand of comedy that promises to leave audiences laughing and entertained.

The traditional cold war diplomacy of brinkmanship, characterized by carefully balanced standoffs and rules-based international order, has given way to a world in freefall. This shift is exemplified by the ever-widening conflict in the Gulf where strategic objectives remain as unclear as the potential endpoint of hostilities.Approaching a month since the United States and Israel launched attacks on Iran, the stated objectives of removing the country's nuclear threat and destroying its ballistic missile capability appear increasingly disconnected from the disproportionate impact on civilians and neighboring Gulf nations. Despite these consequences, the Iranian regime's willingness to escalate the conflict shows no signs of diminishing.The Guardian Weekly's coverage examines this critical juncture through multiple perspectives. Patrick Wintour recounts the pivotal week when global tensions reached a tipping point, while Richard Partington analyzes the long-term economic implications of a prolonged conflict, from oil price fluctuations to inflationary pressures and economic growth impacts. From South Lebanon, William Christou reports on healthcare professionals caught in the crossfire of Israeli airstrikes, highlighting the human cost of the escalating violence.Emma Graham-Harrison provides insight from Jerusalem, examining Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's strategy of attempting to rehabilitate his image through what he frames as destruction of an 'axis of evil.' Meanwhile, Simon Tisdall poses a critical question: when US President Donald Trump eventually seeks to halt the conflict, will any parties be willing to heed his calls for de-escalation?Beyond the primary geopolitical focus, this week's Guardian Weekly edition explores several significant developments across different sectors. The UK political landscape features an examination of the upcoming local elections, where voter sentiment appears increasingly focused on rejecting established parties rather than actively supporting alternatives. The scientific section explores innovative approaches to addressing snoring disorders through CPAP machines, while the culture section features an in-depth interview with Dave Grohl discussing Foo Fighters, personal challenges, and grief following the loss of bandmate Taylor Hawkins.In sports, the publication celebrates the remarkable achievement of British athletes Keely Hodgkinson, Georgia Hunter Bell, and Molly Caudery, who each secured gold medals at the world indoor athletics championships in Poland, showcasing British excellence in track and field events.

The UK government is set to trial social media curbs for teenagers in a major study aimed at understanding the impact of reduced social media use on young people's lives. Hundreds of UK teenagers will participate in the six-week pilot, which will test different restrictions on social media use, including bans, digital curfews, and time limits on popular apps like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat.The trial, led by the UK government, will involve 300 teens across all four nations of the UK, with some participants having their social apps disabled, while others will have access blocked overnight or capped to one hour's use. The goal is to gather evidence on how different restrictions affect young people's day-to-day lives.Technology Secretary Liz Kendall emphasized the importance of testing different options in the real world, stating that the pilots will provide the evidence needed to take the next steps, informed by the experiences of families themselves.The pilot is part of a broader effort to address concerns about the mental health risks associated with unfettered internet access. Nearly 30,000 parents and children have responded to the government's digital wellbeing consultation, which closes on May 26. An independent study, funded by the Wellcome Trust, will also examine the impact of reducing social media use among adolescents.The study, involving about 4,000 students between the ages of 12 and 15 from 10 Bradford secondary schools, will investigate changes in anxiety and sleep quality, time spent with friends and family, wellbeing, body image, social comparison, school absences, and bullying.The UK government faces pressure to follow Australia's move to ban access to social media sites for under-16s, with France, Spain, and Indonesia also considering similar bans. The European parliament has passed a resolution on age restrictions, although it is not legally binding.Critics argue that the pilot is a half-measure that puts pressure on parents rather than holding big tech accountable for the harm caused by social media. Bereaved parents have written to parliamentarians, urging them to support a ban and expressing concern about the consultation process.

Mohamed Salah's future has become the subject of intense speculation after his agent, Ramy Abbas Issa, confirmed that the Liverpool star will leave Anfield at the end of the season. While there will be attention on whether Salah can end his nine-year spell with a trophy, the focus is shifting to his next destination.Salah's former teammates Sadio Mané and Roberto Firmino have already made the move to Saudi Arabia, and it is a path that Salah may well take. The Saudi media is hopeful that the country is in pole position to sign the Egyptian star, with several top clubs expressing interest.Al-Ittihad, Al-Hilal, Al-Nassr, and Al-Ahli are all reportedly interested in signing Salah, with each club offering different advantages and challenges. Al-Ittihad have had offers turned down before and would likely be a frontrunner, while Al-Hilal, the most successful club in Saudi Arabia and Asia, could make a strong claim to being the biggest.The signing of Salah would not only boost the Saudi Pro League's profile but also provide a significant marketing coup. As one of the biggest names in Middle Eastern sport, Salah's presence would help to maintain global interest in the league, which has been investing heavily in star players since 2023.There are also religious and personal factors that could influence Salah's decision, with several players citing their Muslim faith and desire to live in a Muslim country as reasons for joining Saudi clubs.Ultimately, if Salah does join a club in Saudi Arabia this summer, he will become the face of the league for years to come, and his decision will have significant implications for the future of the Saudi Pro League and European football.