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On April 5, 2026, President Donald Trump posted a vulgar warning on Truth Social and X, demanding that Iran "open the f****** Strait" or face the bombing of its bridges and power plants. The post, framed as a blend of threats and profanity, raised global concerns because the Strait of Hormuz is a critical oil chokepoint. Rather than replying in kind, Iranian diplomatic missions across continents responded with a wave of sarcasm and satire. Embassies from London to Pretoria, New Delhi to Moscow, used short quips, memes, and literary references to ridicule the president’s language and question his mental fitness. The most viral exchange began when the Iranian embassy in Zimbabwe replied on X, "We've lost the keys," to Trump’s demand to open the Strait. The joke quickly spread: the South African mission added, "Shh… the key’s under the flowerpot. Just open for friends," while the embassy in Bulgaria referenced the late convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, writing, "Doors open for friends. Epstein’s friends need keys." These posts coincided with renewed speculation about the Epstein files. Political rivals have suggested that Trump’s aggressive stance serves to distract from the release of millions of documents linking billionaires, academics and politicians to Epstein. Although Trump appears in the files, he denies any wrongdoing, claiming he cut ties with Epstein decades ago. Complicating the political backdrop, U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi, who oversaw the Epstein investigation, was removed from office on April 2. Analysts argue her dismissal reflected growing pressure on the administration over the handling of the files. Many Iranian missions seized the moment to invoke the 25th Amendment, Section 4, urging U.S. officials to consider removing a president deemed mentally unfit. The South African embassy shared a post by broadcaster Piers Morgan calling Trump’s tweet "embarrassing" and suggesting he had "lost his marbles," and added, "Humanity must know what kind of creatures are leading the American people." Similar sentiments were echoed by the Tajikistan and London missions, the latter posting a Rumi poem about a madman wielding a sword alongside a Mark Twain quote warning against reckless speech. Other embassies took a more direct tone. The Indian mission labeled Trump a "sore loser brats" and urged him to "get a grip," while the Austrian embassy overlaid an "18+" warning on a screenshot of the president’s post, condemning the threats as a potential "War Crime" against civilian infrastructure. Visual satire also featured prominently. In Berlin, the Iranian embassy shared a Der Spiegel cartoon depicting Trump staring into a mirror, imagining himself as an emperor. In Moscow, a Russian illustration portrayed Trump as a delusional Don Quixote charging at a windmill, with a sidekick shouting, "Boss, it’s just a windmill!" All of this digital mockery unfolds as the Middle East braces for Trump’s self‑imposed deadline to reopen the strategic Strait of Hormuz early Wednesday, local time. While geopolitical tensions rise, Iranian diplomatic posts continue to turn the president’s incendiary rhetoric into a global social‑media spectacle, one sarcastic tweet at a time.

A union representing roughly 2,000 food‑service employees at Los Angeles Stadium has formally appealed to FIFA to ensure that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) stays away from World Cup activities in the city. Unite Here Local 11, which covers cooks, servers and bartenders at the Inglewood venue, warned that a strike could become imminent if its concerns are ignored. The union highlighted that its members are still without a labor contract as the tournament approaches, and outlined three core demands for FIFA and stadium owner Kroenke Sports & Entertainment: A public pledge that ICE and Border Patrol will have no role in any World Cup‑related operations. Guarantees protecting union jobs, working conditions, and a ban on the use of artificial intelligence or automation that could displace workers. Support for a workforce‑housing fund, stricter short‑term‑rental rules, and tax measures aimed at financing affordable housing and protecting immigrant families. ICE Acting Director Todd Lyons has indicated that the agency would play a “key part” in the event, a prospect the union says threatens the safety of both workers and visitors in Los Angeles. “FIFA and its corporate sponsors will pocket billions from Los Angeles while refusing to even acknowledge the cooks, servers, and stand attendants who make this event possible,” said Kurt Petersen, co‑president of Local 11 in a statement. Local 11 also noted that it has repeatedly sought meetings with FIFA since the city was awarded hosting duties, but its requests have been ignored. The venue, known globally as SoFi Stadium, has been temporarily rebranded as Los Angeles Stadium for the World Cup due to sponsor conflicts. The stadium is slated to host eight matches, with the opening game – the United States versus Paraguay – scheduled for June 12. The union’s broader housing demands reflect rising living‑cost pressures in Inglewood and the surrounding Los Angeles area, underscoring the intersection of labor rights, immigration policy, and urban affordability ahead of the global tournament.

As the deadline set by US President Donald Trump for Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz approaches, Iranians are bracing for a potential catastrophe. With over 90 million people facing uncertainty, daily life in Iran could drastically change by Wednesday.Trump has issued ominous warnings, stating that if Iran does not comply, its electricity, bridges, and other critical infrastructure will be targeted, despite this violating international law. Such actions could lead to the destruction of a whole civilisation, as Trump previously mentioned.In the hours leading up to the 8pm US Eastern Time (23:00 GMT) deadline, residents of Tehran express their fears. A Tehran resident noted, “We all know he’s crazy enough to do it. He doesn’t care as long as he believes it serves his interest.” This sentiment reflects the anxiety gripping the nation as the threat of an attack looms.Preparations for potential blackouts and shortages are underway. Iranians are charging phones and power banks, using household appliances, and stocking up on essentials like bread, flour, and bottled water. The price of bottled water has surged due to chronic inflation and the ongoing conflict.The impact on vulnerable populations, including the sick and disabled, could be severe. Long-lasting power cuts would hinder access to essential medicines and medical equipment, exacerbating the crisis.Market prices for electrical devices and generators have skyrocketed, with many struggling to afford these necessities. A resident from the northern province of Gilan shared that he purchased a generator to power essential items, spending nearly all his earnings.Despite the threats, there is some optimism about Iran’s decentralised power distribution system potentially mitigating damage. The Ministry of Energy assured the public that they are prepared for worst-case scenarios and urged calm.The Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) announced readiness to expand its target list and attack critical infrastructure in neighbouring countries if the threatened attacks proceed. Iranian politicians, including former President Hassan Rouhani, have condemned Trump’s statements, highlighting Iran’s resilience and cultural heritage.As the situation unfolds, protests and demonstrations are taking place across the country. State-backed motorcades are roaming the streets of Tehran, playing revolutionary songs, while armed checkpoints maintain control over highways and public spaces.

Karim Baksh of Dasht, a remote Balochistan village, once relied on a diesel‑powered pump to irrigate his watermelon fields. After the 2022 Russia‑Ukraine war drove diesel prices sky‑high, he could no longer afford the fuel, forcing him to cut back his cultivated area. In 2023 he took a gamble: borrowing 300,000 Pakistani rupees (≈ $1,075) from relatives and installing a modest row of solar panels. Three years later, the panels run his pump without diesel, letting him water his crops even as global oil markets tumble amid the US‑Israel war on Iran and the temporary closure of the Strait of Hormuz, through which 20% of world oil and gas normally flows. Baksh’s experience reflects a broader national shift. Pakistan imports about 80% of its oil via the Hormuz chokepoint and sources 99% of its LNG from Qatar and the UAE. A Council on Foreign Relations report warns that a prolonged closure could trigger severe power shortages, factory shutdowns, and transport disruptions. Yet a quiet solar revolution is building resilience. Since 2018, rooftop solar installations have saved Pakistan over $12 billion in fuel imports, and at current prices the sector is projected to save another $6.3 billion this year alone. According to the independent think‑tank EMBER, solar’s share of the national energy mix surged from 2.9% in 2020 to 32.3% in 2025. This growth is not the result of a single government plan but of millions of individual decisions—farmers swapping diesel pumps, businesses installing panels, and households seeking reliable electricity. In urban centres such as Lahore and Karachi, solar rooftops are commonplace. Homeowners typically recoup installation costs within a few years, enjoy free electricity thereafter, and can even sell surplus power back to the grid through net‑metering. By 2025, 25% of Pakistani households use solar in some form, up from 15% in 2023, with over 280,000 consumers now participating in net‑metering schemes. However, the benefits are uneven. The upfront cost of a 3 kW system—about 450,000 rupees ($1,610)—and larger commercial setups costing up to 2.2 million rupees ($7,874) remain out of reach for many low‑income families. Analysts warn that non‑solar users, largely poorer households, are subsidising the grid usage of solar owners. Net‑metering has already shifted an estimated 159 billion rupees (≈ $570 million) of costs onto other consumers, raising concerns about a two‑tier energy system. The rapid expansion is powered largely by imports from China, which controls roughly 80% of the global solar supply chain. Chinese lithium‑ion batteries, now 20% cheaper than in 2024, enable storage for nighttime use, further reducing reliance on the national grid. Solar panel prices have plummeted: from 100‑120 rupees per watt in the early 2010s to about 30 rupees per watt today. This price collapse, combined with electricity shortages and rising tariffs after the 2022 oil price spike, made solar an attractive alternative for those able to invest. Government policy has been mixed. A 2015 net‑metering scheme encouraged adoption by offering roughly 25 rupees ($0.090) per kilowatt‑hour for exported power and by reducing import taxes on panels. More recently, concerns over the financial strain on the power sector led to a cut in the buy‑back rate to about 10 rupees ($0.036) per kilowatt‑hour. For Baksh, the policy shifts matter little. His solar‑powered pump guarantees water for his watermelons regardless of diesel price swings or geopolitical turmoil. He plans to expand his solar array, increase production, and ship his harvest to larger markets in Quetta and Karachi. In a region where temperatures can soar to 51 °C (124 °F), the sun has become a reliable ally—ensuring that, for farmers like Baksh, “the water keeps flowing no matter what.”

England fast bowler Josh Tongue has candidly shared his journey, from making his Test debut in 2023 to overcoming injuries and achieving milestones.Tongue, 28, has been refreshingly honest about his career, including his 18 wickets in three Ashes Tests and his five-wicket haul against Australia at the MCG.He opens up about his struggles with thoracic outlet syndrome, a condition that led him to consider early retirement. However, Botox injections helped him recover, and he made his Test debut for England.Tongue's laid-back and reflective personality has earned him praise from coaches Brendon McCullum and Peter Moores. His dream is to become England's opening bowler and take on top-order players like Steve Smith, whom he has successfully bowled out multiple times.Despite facing challenges, Tongue remains focused on playing cricket for England and making fans happy. A pivotal summer lies ahead, and wickets will be the currency that keeps Tongue's name on people's lips.

Southampton continued their impressive Championship form with a resounding 5-1 victory over Wrexham, catapulting them into the playoff places. The match at Stōk Cae Ras was marked by early goals from Kuryu Matsuki and Flynn Downes, setting the tone for a dominant performance.Building on the momentum from their stunning FA Cup quarter-final triumph over Arsenal, Tonda Eckert's side displayed exceptional form. Despite Wrexham's efforts to get back into the game, including a goal from Josh Windass, Southampton's Cyle Larin secured a crucial third goal. The visitors sealed their victory with late goals from Ross Stewart and Finn Azaz.Southampton's intent was clear from the onset, with Larin and Azaz both hitting the bar within the first eight minutes. Matsuki opened the scoring on 12 minutes, and Downes doubled the lead 10 minutes later. Wrexham's hopes were briefly rekindled by Windass's goal, but Larin's breakaway strike and the late goals from Stewart and Azaz ensured a convincing win.This victory marks Southampton's 10th in an unbeaten sequence of 13 league games, positioning them sixth in the Championship table. Their manager, Tonda Eckert, emphasized the team's focus and preparation for the upcoming games, highlighting the importance of maintaining their rhythm and humility.In contrast, Wrexham's manager, Phil Parkinson, acknowledged the team's poor performance in the first 20 minutes, which led to their decisive defeat. He stressed the need to learn from this loss and be ready for their next match.

The nursery I visited, with its free croissants and Scandinavian-style furniture, seemed like a luxury, but it was just one example of how private equity has quietly infiltrated our daily lives. These firms now own a vast array of essential services, including water companies, apartment blocks, student accommodation, care homes, and children's homes.The problems arise when profit-driven fund managers prioritize returns over social welfare. Nurseries backed by private equity have reported profits up to seven times greater than non-profit nurseries, while spending up to 14% less on staff and experiencing higher staff turnover rates. This model is unsustainable and can leave parents without childcare and workers without jobs.Private equity's business model, which often involves leveraged buyouts and loading debt onto companies, can have disastrous effects on public services. The industry's lack of transparency and accountability makes it difficult to track the flow of money and hold fund managers accountable.The rise of private equity reflects a broader shift in capitalism, where debt-driven speculation has become a dominant route to building wealth. This has led to a zero-sum game where some individuals' gains come at the expense of others. As capitalism evolves, it's clear that those on top have discovered a new formula for building wealth: buying up essential services, loading them with debt, and passing the consequences on to the public.

Vicky López, now 19 years, 8 months and 12 days old, has already etched her name in Barcelona’s history books, featuring in over 120 matches and netting 32 goals for the club.She joined Barcelona in July 2022 at just 16, making her first‑team debut under manager Jonatan Giráldez and instantly setting a series of age‑related records – the youngest player ever to appear at Camp Nou, in the Champions League and in an el clásico. The following campaign she became the club’s youngest scorer in that iconic derby.This season López has featured in 36 games, contributing 10 goals, a tally that already matches her previous year’s output. Barcelona need a maximum of three points from their remaining five Liga F fixtures to clinch a fourth league title – which would also be López’s 11th trophy with the club – while simultaneously preparing for a Champions League semi‑final against Bayern Munich.Despite being a senior figure, López admits younger teammates such as Clara Serrajordi and Aïcha Cámara often turn to her for guidance, though she defers more complex advice to veterans Alexia Putellas and Patri Guijarro.Putellas, the two‑time Ballon d’Or winner, praised López last summer, saying, “I see myself reflected in her – her passion, drive to win and endless ambition.”López’s rise is underscored by personal tragedy; her mother succumbed to a brain tumour in 2018 when López was 11. She honors her mother after every goal, pointing skyward, a ritual that mirrors Putellas’ own tribute to her late father.After a season with Madrid CFF, where she became Liga F’s youngest ever player, Barcelona secured López on a five‑year deal. She continues to dedicate each goal to her mother’s memory.In her debut campaign at Barcelona she logged 13 appearances and scored two goals. “I never imagined playing so many matches in my first year,” she recalled, thanking Giráldez for the trust he placed in her.Initially shy, López admitted, “I wasn’t fully myself in the first training sessions, but it was a dream to train with the world’s best.”She believes the blend of youthful exuberance and veteran experience is Barcelona’s greatest asset: “I bring joy, youth and playfulness,” she said, emphasizing the importance of a balanced squad.Often likened to male prodigy Lamine Yamal, López and Yamal both sport the number 19 and light up the wing with their creativity.On the international stage, López earned her first senior cap at 17 in the Nations League and featured in Spain’s 2025 European Championship final against England. The only time she missed a national‑team camp was in May 2024, when she sat her “selectividad” exams.Looking ahead, López acknowledges she will soon carry the mantle as Barcelona transitions away from legends like Putellas and Aitana Bonmatí. “I’m still working to become the player I aspire to be, but above all I enjoy playing football and spreading happiness to fans,” she affirmed.

Waitrose faces mounting pressure after a reader highlighted the dismissal of former employee Walker Smith, who intervened to stop a shoplifter taking Easter eggs. The writer argues that senior management should step off their "ivory tower" and experience the shop floor to grasp the daily shoplifting epidemic confronting staff.The same contributor suggests a grassroots campaign: a “Don’t‑shop Wednesday” at Waitrose locations to demonstrate public solidarity with Smith and to force senior executives to address the issue directly.Other letters shared in the edition range from a heart‑warming story about a Labrador named Beau rescuing its owner after a cardiac arrest, to light‑hearted observations about shared birthdays of political figures and the challenges of spelling uncommon surnames. These personal reflections underscore the diverse voices that populate the Guardian’s letters section.Collectively, the submissions illustrate a broader concern: retail workers’ safety and morale are being tested by rising theft, and public support may be pivotal in shaping corporate responses.